* Your wife wants a diamond for her birthday, and you get her a Diamond Stealth Video Card.
* You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP mean...but darned if you can remember your wife's maiden name.
* You sit in front of the TV trying to type at a keyboard.
* You suspect there's a virus in your mashed potatoes.
* If you smoke away from the machine, you notice that the breaks are getting shorter and less frequent.
* The optometrist looks deep in your eyes, and sees a blue screen.
* You finally save up enough to visit the Grand Canyon, and you can't help but wonder how it would look on a 21" SVGA.
* Your computer room has a better air conditioner than your bedroom.
* You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
* When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.
* If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
* If you call in sick because you found a great new web site.
* If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
* When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
* You refer to going to the bathroom as uploading.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
* Your nightmares are in HTML, flash and GIFS.
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are in purple.
* Your pet has its own home page.
* You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
*You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "stop" and "back" buttons.
* You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
* You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
* You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
* You laugh at people with modems.
* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.
* You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have an email.
* When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.
* You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen names and you never bothered to ask.
* You move into a new house and you decide to Netscape before you landscape.
* Your family always knows where you are.
* In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say LOL, ROFL and so on.
* After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!
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